one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
