How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
