The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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