I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
