i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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