my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
