Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
