I wanna bring you to show and tell
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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