Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
