areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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