Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
