I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
