I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
