My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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