You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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