U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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