ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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