lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
