That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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