fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
