Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
