my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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