So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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