party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
