So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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