Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
