the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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