Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
