yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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