The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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