I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
