He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
