is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
