she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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