No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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