I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
