she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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