Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
