I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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