You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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