she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry about my life...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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