My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
