I accidentally had phone sex last night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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