We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
