You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you didnt know i had herpes?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
