Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
