i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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