My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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