I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
