another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
