Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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