so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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