Screwed.edu
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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