I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
