you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
