I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
