I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
