Having a random hookup so left but love u
In America we eat man semen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
