The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
