i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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