You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
