dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
