i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
