When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
