Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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