So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
