How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
