You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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