I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
