its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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