saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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