Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My pussy is not your playground.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
