He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize