Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
