I need to stop coming to work sober
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
