Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
