I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
