yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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