She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
