I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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