i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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