Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need to align my fucking chakras
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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