Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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