He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
