fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
