You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
