that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
