So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
