Are we in a gay sports bar?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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