is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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