O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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