Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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