I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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