I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
