Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
