coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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