Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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