Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
