i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
