this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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