This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
